My Perfect Man
i always thought CS was the perfect man for me. i really did. he was everything that, i suppose at that time in my life, i really needed. you see, last year was a shitty year for me (this year hasn't been that great for me either) and CS came into my life for a reason and that reason was to give me strength to carry on. last year i moved out and into a place on my own - moving is always stressful. last year my brother was in rehab for booze and coke addiction (or should i say in and out fo rehab) - and ran away for a few days and i thought that he was dead. i was near suicide myself because of him.
so i think that CS was my pillar of strength and he was needed to get me through that part of my life and (now don't think i'm loony here) i think the universe or some other power felt that i was strong enough to be on my own and that is why we broke up. i should have realised that when we broke up the first time but i guess i was being stubborn.
so that gets me onto this question: if CS was not the perfect man for me then who is? CS was everything i had dreamed of and more but perhaps he was only perfect for me in that time of my life?
i want the next man in my life to be stronger than CS is (i have a very strong personality and a slight aggressive side). i want him to be like CS in the way that he was able to make me feel comfortable in my own skin (i am a shy kinda gal). i want him to be funny and yet be serious. i want him to be able to act stupid but be able to hold a serious/intellectual conversation. i want him to take me seriously but at the same time realise that i am rather quirky and like to make a fool of myself when the moment grabs me. i want him to be spontaneous but also open to set plans. i want him to have similar tendencies to CS in the way that he wouldn't take himself too seriously and is able to let loose and have a good heartly laugh at something stupid. i want him to be brave not a coward like chickenshit (CS)!!!!!!
am i asking too much? am i setting the next man in my life (whoever he may be) an impossible task because a lot of the things i described in the above section are very similar traits to those of CS. i think CS was perhaps a good framework to work with but hopefully the next man will exceed my expectations. one can only hope...and fantasise...a lot! i won't close the door to any opportunities because you never know who might be knocking on my door one day.
as the cliche goes: there are many fish in the sea...and i am the goddamn fisher(wo)man!!!
p.s. only a few more hours til i am a blonde bombshell!!!! exciting shit!
so i think that CS was my pillar of strength and he was needed to get me through that part of my life and (now don't think i'm loony here) i think the universe or some other power felt that i was strong enough to be on my own and that is why we broke up. i should have realised that when we broke up the first time but i guess i was being stubborn.
so that gets me onto this question: if CS was not the perfect man for me then who is? CS was everything i had dreamed of and more but perhaps he was only perfect for me in that time of my life?
i want the next man in my life to be stronger than CS is (i have a very strong personality and a slight aggressive side). i want him to be like CS in the way that he was able to make me feel comfortable in my own skin (i am a shy kinda gal). i want him to be funny and yet be serious. i want him to be able to act stupid but be able to hold a serious/intellectual conversation. i want him to take me seriously but at the same time realise that i am rather quirky and like to make a fool of myself when the moment grabs me. i want him to be spontaneous but also open to set plans. i want him to have similar tendencies to CS in the way that he wouldn't take himself too seriously and is able to let loose and have a good heartly laugh at something stupid. i want him to be brave not a coward like chickenshit (CS)!!!!!!
am i asking too much? am i setting the next man in my life (whoever he may be) an impossible task because a lot of the things i described in the above section are very similar traits to those of CS. i think CS was perhaps a good framework to work with but hopefully the next man will exceed my expectations. one can only hope...and fantasise...a lot! i won't close the door to any opportunities because you never know who might be knocking on my door one day.
as the cliche goes: there are many fish in the sea...and i am the goddamn fisher(wo)man!!!
p.s. only a few more hours til i am a blonde bombshell!!!! exciting shit!
posted by TwoFlower at 11:38 AM
8 Comments:
But you are still young right!?! Young like me and so still able to explore a million different elements to life. (Please Please tell me that we are still young and settling down is still far from our respective books! Panic sets in.). So why not rather want to meet a guy completely different from the last few that you have dated, so that you can enjoy a whole new person and their perspective on life. Plus, I don't think that you should be thinking about the one (or two or three or whatever life has in store for you) guy you are going to spend 60 years with. Surely you have lots more time to play!?
So many of the same questions I have asked myself about men! And I am probably quite a bit older than you. It kinda hurts reading those questions from a young lady starting out in the real world. Wish I had some sage advise but... I don't! There isn't a man out there for me but I sure as hell hope there is for you.
Ooooh blonde.... yummy. Chamapagne said it..... you are far to young to worry about what the next guy will be like and if the guy had some of the qualities of CS then whats the use.... he should be totally different!
Katt there is a man our there for you.. I take it you liking those sore paws after a man has hurt your heart.... we are the same age and you should know by now.... he will pop up at the wierdest time and place.... have a cat nap and when you wake he will be there.... DONT EVER GIVE UP (read my post today on that and you will see my thoughts)
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How's the blonde?!?!
katt - i believe that there is someone out there for everyone but the depressing thing is that we won't necessarily meet them but we can always try.
champs - settling down is kinda the last thing on my mind and you're right in the idea that i should be tryig out different guys/models (i sound like a car salesmen) and not restrict myself to what i am comfortable with.
as for the blonde - after 4 hours in the hairdresser i am finally a bombshell!!
2f u r so precious my luv!
And CS had a specific purpose - he made you aware of the things you want in life. But let us not forget he made you aware of the things you DONT want as well.
Whilst he has many good traits, do not forget that there are reasons you're not together - the good my baby just wasn't good enough.
Therefore when the next man comes along - you will see things immediately and you will know if he fits the profile.
Now this is awesome coz it's gonna save you a lot of time!
So thanks CS for giving 2f the freedom to explore life beyond you and also thanks for making her so aware of just how awesome she is!
two flower you are a strong young gal and heaven knows you have the power to make it on your own... if CS couldnt see that then maybe he wasnt the perfect man for you, ul find him and when you do you'll know that he is the provebial "one".. blonde.. oh yeah.. blondes have so much fun..
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