epiphany
last nighy i was doing my utmost best not to do any work - i am still battling to get back into varsity mode since i had two weeks of doing NOTHING while getting TLC from my mum.
so instead of reading through my research i decided to read through my old journals - we're talking about my diaries that are 10 years old. the early ones are very cute - all about the crushes i had (damn, there were a lot and i am so proud of myself because i ended up scoring or dating each one somewhere along the line! go me!). the more recent ones (yes, i keep a written journal and have ever since i was twelve years old) are actually quite sad but they did make me have an epiphany....!
when i was 20 years old i fell for this guy (i like the name Lucifer) who i thought felt the same way about me...to cut a long story short he could have phoned me at midnight asking me to come over and i would have - this went on for about 7 months. i was still naive enough to think sex equated love. tsk tsk. i sure learnt my lesson after him. but once i got over him (it took me long enough) and i got over the insecurities that developed because of the way he treated me i SWORE never to let myself get used by another male.
and what the fuck....? i may have denied it but i can tell you this: what i wrote in my previous journal about Lucifer is pretty much what i have been writing about CS. yes, CS did and perhaps still does love me but he fucking used me. i have told him this but it only seemed to have registered with me last night and it hurt. it hurt a lot.
but you know what - i'll get over CS, i know i will and you know what makes me feel better in very bitchy way: his office floozy (the one who he's been sleeping with and whatnot) is a downgrade from me. don't get me wrong, she's attractive but i am more intelligent, more sporty and much more attractive. i'll give her the fact that her figure is probably better than mine.
but i don't hate her. i feel sorry for her because from what i hear, CS is acting like a shit towards her too.
all i have to say is way to go me, i'm angry, hurt and woe betide CS: hell hath no fury like a women scorned....
so instead of reading through my research i decided to read through my old journals - we're talking about my diaries that are 10 years old. the early ones are very cute - all about the crushes i had (damn, there were a lot and i am so proud of myself because i ended up scoring or dating each one somewhere along the line! go me!). the more recent ones (yes, i keep a written journal and have ever since i was twelve years old) are actually quite sad but they did make me have an epiphany....!
when i was 20 years old i fell for this guy (i like the name Lucifer) who i thought felt the same way about me...to cut a long story short he could have phoned me at midnight asking me to come over and i would have - this went on for about 7 months. i was still naive enough to think sex equated love. tsk tsk. i sure learnt my lesson after him. but once i got over him (it took me long enough) and i got over the insecurities that developed because of the way he treated me i SWORE never to let myself get used by another male.
and what the fuck....? i may have denied it but i can tell you this: what i wrote in my previous journal about Lucifer is pretty much what i have been writing about CS. yes, CS did and perhaps still does love me but he fucking used me. i have told him this but it only seemed to have registered with me last night and it hurt. it hurt a lot.
but you know what - i'll get over CS, i know i will and you know what makes me feel better in very bitchy way: his office floozy (the one who he's been sleeping with and whatnot) is a downgrade from me. don't get me wrong, she's attractive but i am more intelligent, more sporty and much more attractive. i'll give her the fact that her figure is probably better than mine.
but i don't hate her. i feel sorry for her because from what i hear, CS is acting like a shit towards her too.
all i have to say is way to go me, i'm angry, hurt and woe betide CS: hell hath no fury like a women scorned....
posted by TwoFlower at 11:21 PM
5 Comments:
Well at least us women eventually do realise that sex does not equate love even if it takes us 6 years (in my case) to figure it out.
I often wondered if I had been brainwashed during this time?
Sorry to hear you're hurting my baby.....
I think me and you might operate on the same lunar cycle
BIG xxxxxxx from Muddle
You go TF, spoken like a future president (like prime Minister, sound so maggie Thatcher).... break up are like a small cut on your arm, you put a plaster on and replace daily until you leave off to heal normally... the point is you take the time to repair and to me reading all the journals/diaries of past was one step closer to getting better in the heart! Muddle read and take note!
The office floozy may be attractive and have a good body.. however intelligence is the keeper of all men... they thrive in that department.... slim hips or a great conversation, I choose conversation!
Crikey, the more I read about these Mo Fo's that you guys adte the more I think there is just rubbish out there.... the young uns are losing the plot, guys my age did do all the crap that you guys mention but hey not as constant....
Crap I tell you all crap
@monster - i like your analogy of the plaster! it works for me and you're so right! thank you!
@muddle - i also wonder if i was not brainwashed during my sex=love stage! men! ha ha!
Popped into Zenex and bought you and Muddle a sweetie pie each... got back in the car, on the highway, caught in traffic and ate them, its the thought isnt it?
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